you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize