that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
