i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
