Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
