Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
