Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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