So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
