I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
