No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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