I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the raccoons are back...
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