Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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