Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
