Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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