R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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