Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
