onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
