insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ok first of all what the fuck
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
