My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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