Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
