Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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