at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
