party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
