you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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