I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
