I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
