Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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