Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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