I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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