yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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