we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
