You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
