So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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