Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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