She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
