He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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