I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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