Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
