Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
