I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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