he thought i was a dude.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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