i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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