I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to sanitize my soul.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
