Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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