I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
