dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
