Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
