What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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