His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
