and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
