You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize