Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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