i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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