to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
