OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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