There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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