nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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