You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
