a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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