How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
