so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize