see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
