Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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