I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
